How to Stop Walking On Eggshells

even with the eye roll 🙄

💠 Do  you ever feel like you're walking on eggshells with your older teen?

💠 If you wrestle with setting boundaries without power struggles or parent-guilt then chances are you're hitting up against one of these four obstacles

What to say when your teen talks back? 

There's a tone that is almost like a direct-line into the "are you kidding me" part of my brain.  But even though it's not ok... it IS an opportunity for us to model communication skills with and for them.

✴️ This script is GOLD

👉🏼 Check out this 2-minute video 
with Dr. Lindsay Gibson (author of How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child) and Simona Vivi H

💠 Are you the one who everyone counts on to handle what needs to be handled?  Always there for your people.  Anticipating what’s needed with scenarios in your head full of contingency plans. 

👉🏼I have a question for you: how comfortable are you when you slow down?  What about when you actually do take some time off (if you allow yourself to), how do you feel when you return to routine?

💠As a recovering perform-for-worther, I've reached the place where I can now take planned downtime, but I've gotta say:  that first day back I really need to lean into my tools to navigate the waves of overwhelm that still show up as I get caught up and back into rhythm.

How does this relate to parenting?

Well, our teens don’t just hear what we say, they see how we treat OURSELVES.  

In this video we explore the “recovering perform-for-worth” voice, plus a 5-second tool called the “Golden Thread Technique” to support you in reconnecting with your inner wisdom.  

So that… you can stop the overwhelm spiral … for yourself.  And for your child’s future-self.

📽️ Watch here for the "Golden Thread" technique and let me know what you notice when you try it!

For that moment BEFORE communicating a boundary

On a scale from easy-breezy to agghhhhhh, how is that moment right before you communicate a boundary with your older teen (or really anyone!).

✨ Are you as care-free as Dr. Lisa Damour (see video).  Or is your experience more like that face I am making in the thumbnail 🤣?

📽️ Here's a tool for those pre-boundary moments

Before-School Friction? 

💠 Do you ever feel like a broken record during before-school conversations with your older teen?

👉🏼 Check out this 4-minute video on how to co-create an effective script with ChatGPT

NOTE:  the script isn't meant to be something you memorize and deliver word-for-word (though you can).  It's meant to give you a steady starting place so you can stay anchored in what matters most.

EVEN IF emotions start to run high.

Conversation Replays?

👉️ Let's talk conversation replays. 

Picture the scene:  you've just had a boundary conversation, and now you are replaying it over and over again.

Here's a tool you can try:

• Instead of asking yourself, 'did I just mess that up?'

• Try asking yourself:  'Did I lean into the right communication skill, or communication technique for that particular conversation?'

Because, our brains will seek to answer the questions we ask ourselves.  So you may find that that small shift of asking yourself a different question will open up a lot of possibilities!

💬 Have you ever noticed yourself using skills that worked before, but they just don't seem to be working anymore?  

For those 'in a flash' power struggles 

💠 Have you ever been in a conversation with your older teen, your young adult, where the conversation was actually going smoothly and then all of the sudden it moves into a power struggle you weren't expecting?

👉🏼 Check out this 2-minute short for a technique on how to stay steady in those storms

 

Boundaries without Bracing?

When we are bracing for boundaries, one of the things that may be happening is that somewhere in our personal histories, our brains linked up that another person's disappointment feels to our bodies like a survival-level event. 

✨ And the good news is, we don't have to unpack why our brains linked that up in order to be able to set boundaries more effectively.

📽️ Here's a tool for those moments you find yourself tightening or bracing before you communicate a boundary.

Triggered vs. Pinged:  Why the difference matters

💠 Have you ever felt that sudden surge of frustration when your teen rolls their eyes or snaps back? That’s the "Whoosh"—and by then, our "thinking brain" has often already left the building.

💠What is the difference between being "pinged" and being "triggered"? When we understand the neurobiology of our own stress response, we can stay steadier in the storms of parenting

💠There is a window of time between a "Ping" (the first sign of stress) and a "Whoosh" (a full-blown trigger). When we get triggered by a power struggle with our older teen, we lose access to our best parenting tools. If we catch the Ping, we keep our choice… check out the video for more. 

👉🏼 Check out this 1.5 minute short to find out 

 

Did I wait to long to start my own healing?

For many of us raising older teens, the realization that we've passed our own "stuff" onto our kids can feel cringey at best.

But it doesn't have to be the final word.

In this clip, Simona Vivi H in conversation with Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist) get into the science of neuroplasticity and why modeling emotional maturity with your adult-adjacent children is a deeply powerful tool for connection.